Selected ClickHole WorkLONGFORM The Saga Continues: JK Rowling Just Revealed That Dumbledore Actually Isn’t Gay And She Would Know Because She Gave Him A Handjob Once And He Was Def Into It 35 Years Ago I Was In The Creek And A Minnow Swam Into My Bagine And Got Me Pregnant And I Had An Abortion (By Frances McDormand) ‘Kendall Is Always Acting Like He’s Going To Kill Himself, Though Crucially Never Killing Himself, Because Then He Couldn’t Be On The Show Anymore, Because Then He’d Be Dead’: An Evening With ‘Succession’ Star Jeremy Strong Fascinating: A Tweet That Says ‘my antidepressants are working <3’ From An Anime Cosplay Girl Squishing Her Tits Together Showed Up In Your Feed Because A 45-Year-Old Guy You Used To Work With Liked It Jojo Siwa And The Queer Elders Choir Of Baltimore Proudly Present An All-Text Cover Of ‘Blurred Lines’! “Barefoot Contessa’ Is Italian For ‘Mrs. Foot”: A Day In The Life Of Ina Garten The Next ‘Space Jam’? Scottie Pippen Has Written A Movie Where He’s Cousins/Roommates With Foghorn Leghorn Gary G. Rabbit And Gary P. Raccoon Get Their Groceries! Women Deserve Access To Safe, Legal Abortions ‘Cause Lord Knows I Ain’t About To Wrap This Shit Up! (By Rupert Grint) Whaddya Say, Toots, Howsabout One Last Lap Dance For Dick Van Dyke ‘Fore I Die? (By Dick Van Dyke) HEADLINESAmazing! This New Gmail Feature Will Let You Know If You’re Being Normal In An EmailDevastating Blow To Feminism: This Woman SucksAwesome: Vera Wang Is Releasing A Tear-Away Wedding Dress For Brides Who Have A Basketball Game During The CeremonyEvery Grandparent From Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory, Ranked By How Much They Pissed In The Bed They SharedInvaluable Sex Education: This Quora Post From 2011 Explains Why It’s Not Likely That You Would Get Pregnant From ‘Him Druy Hump My LEg N Sat In Wet But Left Pantys On’ Total Time Saver: Thinx Has Released A 10-Inch-Thick Pantsuit That Busy Working Women Can Bleed Into For Up To 6 YearsCustomer Service FTW: JCPenney Portrait Studios Will Now Provide A Mopey Teen Who Will Sit For Your Family Photo If Your Own Mopey Teen Refuses To Get Out Of The Car7 Modern Dating Rules That Don’t Mean Shit In The SwampThey Just Want To Get Through The Day: Axe Body Spray Has Released A New Undetectable Scent For Shy 8th Grade Boys Who Don’t Want To Be Noticed Supporting Their Fans: The Blue Man Group Has Announced That They Will Pay Your Bail If You Get Arrested For Masturbating To Their Ad On The TrainSort Of Heartwarming: This Kid With Terminal Cancer Wrote A Will Where He Left All Of His Toys To Daniel Tiger, Which Is Super Sweet, But It’s Going To Be An Absolute Legal Nightmare For His Parents After He DiesWas That Really Worth Reviving It? John Krasinski Brought Back ‘Some Good News’ For A 29 Second Episode Where He Just Showed A Photo Of A Turtle In A Party Hat Then Said He Got A Handjob From His Wife 2 Nights AgoSomething For The Fellas And The Ladies Alike: 5 Pictures Of Gremlins And 2 Mental Health Resources If You’re Struggling With Suicidal IdeationThe Saga Continues: JK Rowling Has Revealed That Ron Weasley Became Patient Zero For Coronavirus After Messing Up A Spell Where He Tried To Turn A Bat Into A Larger Bat He Could Have Sex WithMajor Threat: The Jeans From ‘The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants’ Have Been Intercepted By ISIS SOCIAL POSTS